YOUR WEEKEND WINGMAN
Field Reports from the members of the PUA Community, the STYLELIFE ACADEMY coaches and Neil Strauss himself! Tune in every week as you follow us on our quest to understanding the opposite sex!

SHIT TEST

noun: a question, demand, or seemingly hostile comment made by a woman to gauge whether a man is strong enough to be a worthy boyfriend or sexual partner. If he takes the question, demand, or comment at face value, he fails and generally loses the opportunity to move forward with interacting with her. Examples include telling him he is too young or old for her, or asking him to perform an unnecessary favor.

From The Game

It was hard for me to believe that we were making out. Never in my life had I dealt with a woman who played the game so rough. It was no holds barred - the octagon of social situations.

The bar we were at wasn't new to me. I'd been there a hundred times before. A local Mexican restaurant on the edge of town. Never too many interesting or attractive people there, just a great place to get a drink with some friends - plus it always smelled like bad salsa and bleach. Oddly, the bar was packed. Kale, the friend I was there to meet awkwardly stood by the bar, repeatedly poking his straw into the empty drink on the counter.

We greeted each other and chatted for a while and moved to an open table.

The moment we sat down I glanced over at the bar. Standing there was a set of two very attractive girls. One was a tall blonde who I couldn't get a good look at and the other was a short, tan, round-faced brunette, wearing one of those L.L.Bean vests - she looked familiar.

I raised my arm and waived. She looked over at me, tilted her head then squinted her eyes to get a better look at me. She had no idea who I was. Upon realizing this, she looked at me confused. I retaliated with my own confused face, raising my brow and cheek and looking left to right. She laughed, so I approached.

With a smile on my face I walked up and pointed at them before saying, "You both lose 5 points."

"What? Why? Wait...who are you?" the brunette asked confused.

Challenging her I said, "I can't tell you that now. Not until you get your five points back."

"No tell me. Please," she begged.

"Fine. Just stop being so needy," I told her while rolling my eyes, "We met once through your ex-boyfriend, Nick."

After a moment of reflection she responded, "Oh my god! How are you?" Then she leaned in and hugged me.

While I had my arms around her I managed to get a better look at her friend. A gorgeous, tall, long legged blonde with one of those pointy elven faces and bright blue eyes.

He arms were crossed and she was standing with her weight on one leg. Her head looked around the room anxiously.

I could tell by the way she was standing and the way she was watching us that she had an attitude. It was obvious that years of free drinks and bad pickup attempts had hardened her socially. I would have guessed that she was the leader of her group of friends. She had obviously misunderstood where she was headed. The short blue dress she was wearing screamed for some hot LA nightclub not some local Mexican tavern. She looked right into my eyes then looked away without saying a word keeping a annoyed expression on her face.

As the brunette unwrapped her arms I look over at her friend and jokingly said, "Hey, stop bringing us down with that dirty little frown."

"Cute," she said sarcastically before turning her body away from me.

The girl had some fire to her. I could feel it. All I had to do was ignite it and the adventure would begin. "Is she always like this? How do you roll with sarcastic girls like her?" I asked the brunette.

As she opened her mouth to answer, I cut her off and immediately turned to her friend and yelled, "Fuck you. We're getting a divorce. I'm taking everything. Your life is over bitch! Over!"

This was more than enough to crack her shield. She laughed and tried to retort, "Oh yea well I-"

"Well you what? You always treat me like shit! I write you poetry and you say 'cute' all sarcastically! Fuck. You. Say good bye to your house in the Hampton's," both girls began to laugh. Probably a little over the top, but it felt necessary at the time.

I turned so that my back was completely facing the blonde. I wanted her to start chasing me, it was the only way I was really going to move the interaction along.

"Well I'm glad that's over. She's so controlling," I said to the brunette.

"Yea she is," the brunette admits, surprisingly.

The blonde, who I had just turned my back to, then taps me on the shoulder.

"Hi, I'm Rachel," she said extending her hand.

"No. You're my ex-wife but, I'll call you Rachel because I'm a kind person." I reached to shake her hand, "I'm Evolve."

At this point, my friend Kale, bored of sitting on the sidelines approached with unknowingly perfect timing. It seemed like the perfect time to isolate Rachel.

Kale didn't have much game, but he was by no means, antisocial. He was the kind of guy, who always ended up in the friend zone. Fortunately, he could talk a lot and wasn't creepy so I knew he'd be able to occupy the friend.

Now I needed a way out. In this situation it's best to go with something that you've practiced. The best friend's test that Neil wrote about in The Game would work perfectly. I had done it so many times at this point that it was second nature.

"Awesome, right?" I asked.

"Yea, that was pretty cool," Rachel said reluctantly.

"I know. That's why I showed it to you," I admitted before patting her on the head."You know what? I'm going to show you another one."

I reached for Rachel's hand and turned to the brunette, "I'm going to take your friend over there to show her something cool." I pointed in the direction of an empty table. "Just come get her if you need her. I probably won't want to be around her that long."

My confidence was soaring. The game I was running was like clockwork. My social gears were turning with utmost efficiency. I kept thinking of one of my favorite lines from The Game: "it's like hunting bunnies with a howitzer," and grinned an sinister grin in my head.

I wanted to test her, to see if she had what people in the seduction community would call a "10 mindset." I believed that she still had a lot of fight in her; I just hadn't seen it yet.

We sat down together at the empty table. I looked into her eyes and applied the lamest hit on ever, "You have the most beautiful blue eyes."

Without a seconds time passing her facial expression goes from tolerant to disgusted. It seemed she had lost faith she ever had in me. Then she stood up as quick as she sat down ready to walk away. This is definitely the attitude I had originally thought she'd have.

I leaned back in the booth and said loudly, "They're totally like the color of my toilet water. I think that means that you're clean and pure. Not full of shit, ya know?"

As expected, she sat right back down. We begin to talk.

Shit Test I

"You know I'm a lesbian right?" she says.

"You know I'm gay right? If I wasn't I'd probably try and seduce you."

"Thank god you're gay then?" She smirks and turns her head away.

"Please honey, you'd only be so lucky as to get a piece of ass this sweet." I tell her.

She laughs, "You're awesome. Where'd you come from?"

"I was built from Dungeons and Dragons games and online men's groups."

"Oh yea, I can tell," she says sarcastically, completely unaware of the truth behind the statement.

"So let's get on with this 'game' or whatever."

"Wow. How about you slow your ass down. I'll get to it when I want to. Don't beg. It's unbecoming of a lady..." I stop for a moment to think, "outside of the bedroom."

She laughs again, then brushes her hair back, before leaning towards me.

I run the cube on her and as usual it works like a charm. By the end of the game Rachel is sitting close to me; her barriers worn down from the power of the cube.

After the cube we bullshit about travel, I carefully choose my stories to reflect the type of value that I think she'd be most acceptable to. She tells me stories about her time in Australia and I respond with stories about China. Before I can move the relationship forward at all she...

Shit Test II

"So... I haven't gotten a drink yet. We should go up there and get me one," she demanded pointing towards the bar.

"Oh wow. What a good idea. We should get you a drink," I said enthusiastically. It's common to have a woman ask a guy to buy her a drink. Most of the time it's a shit test. In fact, many women get a kick out of having men buy them, and in many cases, their friends a round of drinks. Of all the shit tests "drink buying" can be the most fun to pass. I've dealt with it so many times at this point that I enjoy challenging myself with new ways out of the situation.

We stand up and approach the bar.

Half way there I stop her. "You know what. I'm not the buying drinks type of guy. It bores me. I'll make a bet with you. If I win I get a drink from you if you win you get one from me."

"Ok, I'll play your game." More sarcasm.

A barcon that Style had taught me a few months back came to mind. The con is quick and rarely fails so it was perfect for this occasion. I was sworn to secrecy so I won't share it here. Sorry.

The bar con is a success. Rachel now owes me a drink. She tells me it was corny, but I can tell she's still into me; she's just upset that she was tricked.

When we arrive at the bar she leaves to use the restroom. While she's gone I notice my friend Kale is still hanging out with the brunette. I wonder what they're talking about, but I don't have time to go inspect.

The bartender asks what I'd like. When Rachel gets back to the bar there would be two mind-erasers sitting in front of us. Mind Erasers are fun drinks that a shot girl I'd hooked up with introduced me to. They're a mix of Kahlua, vodka, and soda water that you drink in one long sip from a straw, the whole thing tastes like coffee. Ironically, drinking a mind eraser is more memorable than a shot which is why they're a great choice for a situation like this one.

When she gets back, she glances over at the shots happily assuming that I'd decided to by the shots even though I'd won the bet, "Oh you didn't have to-"

"Bartender, these drinks are on her. She lost a bet," I yell.

The bartender laughs at Rachel then nods.

Her jaw drops. "Holy shit! You really didn't pay for these did you?!"

"Hell no. You lost a bet. Pay the man!"

"I can't believe that." She says shaking her head, "You're amazing." The face she was making was one I'd seen before, eyes wide open, with a smile on her face. It was so on.

The guy sitting next to me at the bar gets up and leaves and I take his stool. Though the bar is emptying out, there are no nearby stools for her to sit at.

"I'm sharing this with you," she says as she forces her way onto the stool.

Shit Test III

Out of nowhere she says, "Honey, tonight I think I want you and your friend to tag team me."

I look at her like she's crazy. I've never had a girl say anything this random before. I wasn't exactly sure what to do. I quickly begin to think of a reaction, but nothing is immediately comig to mind.

A second later she leans in and whispers, "I like to say dirty things to make people feel uncomfortable around me. I think that guy behind me has been looking at me all-night, and listening to us. Don't want to let him leave without a show."

"Awesome." I whisper back. We low five each other. "Hey remember that time that I was fucking you in the ass then I spit on your back so you thought I was finished!"

"Yeah,"

"Then remember how when you turned around to kiss me I came on your face?"

She nods her head, "Oh, Evolve, you are such a prankster."

By the way, those five imaginary points I took away earlier in this field report...she can have them back. Giving me the opportunity to say something as vulgar and crude as that out loud in public is well worth five fake points.

We hug.

"Let's get another drink." She says. This was no test; she was attracted to me now.

We order two more mind erasers. Paid for by me because, after all, she got the last round.

"Let's bring them over to that table in the corner. I'm sick of sharing this chair." We move over to a table that's located in a small alcove in the corner of the bar. The table is surrounded by soft benches and has its own soft green lighting. The perfect place for building comfort or closing any girl.

I feel her head on my shoulder the minute we sit down.

"I have to do something"

"What," she asks.

"This," I slide my hand up the back of her scalp and pull her hair from the roots.

"Oh, my god." She moans. "I love that."

When I release her hair she perks up turns to me and quickly places her hand on my thigh, "Hey Mr. Psychology. Can you guess my favorite position?"

I hesitate for a minute, "Well, you're a lesbian...so probably that one where you get eaten out. But if you were straight. It would probably be a variation of doggy style where your arms are being held back so you could get fucked harder."

"That sounds cool, but it's not the right-"

"Whatever," I said cutting her off.

Again I grabbed her by the hair, except this time, I pulled her in and kissed her, just like Sean Connery taught me in every James Bond movie.

Her tongue darted into my mouth; she pushed me down onto the booth.

Things started getting hot; my hands were now up her dress. She's straddling the booth.

"This is so bad," tell her, "We should either go outside or get you back to your friends."

"Oh my god," She's bright red."I can't leave with you."

"Of course she can't," I think to myself, "we hadn't built any comfort yet."

Realizing this I brought her back to her friends. I knew that pushing it might result in a one night stand, and that I'd more than likely end up with buyer's remorse the next day. I decided to simply go for the number close; since I knew she wouldn't flake. She wrote her number down in my little notepad and we made plans to meet up later that week. I was really excited to meet up with her again. At the time, she had just the attitude I was looking for; she was the kind of girl who reminded me why I loved the game.

We spoke on the phone and planned to meet up, but because of work I ended up having to cancel. A week later I ended up moving away. I never got to see her again, but I'll always remember the girl who put my shit test skills to the test.