Attack of the cling-on man!
POSTED ON: SEPTEMBER 2, 2008

When a man is overly interested in a woman, is it possible for him to be taught how to hold back? Can he learn to become static free?

It was the start another fabulous day in San Diego, and I had just arrived at Brockton Villa to meet Chloe for lunch.

“Finally your here! Where have you been?” She shouted to me from across the room while sipping her mimosa “I have been waiting for about a fucking minute for you and I am famished!

“Nice to see you too Chloe” I replied, my cheeks turning as red as the Diane Von Furstenberg dress I had on.

“I’m sorry, I was held up at office late last night and I over slept. Some of us do work for a living you know!” I snapped back at her, as the waiter took my order for a Bloody Mary. Immediately I knew this was going to be a long lunch date.

“We aren’t all as lucky as you to have been traveling off in France for the past 7 months and return to the states with an additional 3 months off! What are you complaining about anyway? Isn’t that a plate of half eaten brie and fruit?”

Secretly, I have been jealous of Chloe for as longs as I can remember. She was the girl that other women loved to hate, but also like me, was secretly jealous of and loved everything about her. … Almost!

Chloe was the type of girl that always had the best. The best hair, the best cloths, the best accessories, the best body, the best contacts for any of the up coming runway shows, the best photographers to take the best picture of her in her perfect dress/skirt/top/pant/stiletto ensemble, which would eventually end up in the latest edition of 944 magazine , under the” Best Style” section.

Through some miracle, she was also very smart, having graduated at the top of her class at Montclair University. It was the killer combo. She was smart and Beautiful. Hate / love are two words I use to describe my relationship with her.

She went on to tell me
“I met this guy named Jake Hensley and let me say he’s wonderful and all, but he turned out to be just like the rest of them. He was a cling-on”

Chloe began dating Jake about 4 weeks ago. Jake, 28, was a guy she met at a pseudo friend’s house warming party. They were both reaching towards the last flute of champagne, when he accidentally knocked it over onto the new Temperley London skirt she bought a week earlier at a sample sale. He immediately offered to pay for her dry cleaning and make it up to her with dinner on Thursday night.

“He was sweet and gave me the sad puppy eyes; I just couldn’t turn him down” she said while riffling through her new bag of goodies from Niemen’s.

“Things were going great. I had no room to complain. We would meet up for a movie, or go for a walk along the beach, even out for a late night dinner. Then last weekend I started to feel funny. Something about this was slowly changing. I felt a static cling effect was taking place and not on my part either!!” She said while cutting her cinnamon bun into 8 equal parts and dipping just the tips of the fork prongs into the sweet icing as to not indulge too much.

“Something clicked in my head. I realized that I was constantly spending time with him, always agreeing to meet up with him. While that was great and all, you remember the whole Gio incident?”

“Yes I remember Gio. He was that good looking Italian artist right? What happened to him? I replied.

“Well, I ended up cutting ties with him because he was getting to clingy. You know how I get. I need room to express my creativeness and I can’t do that with a man constantly around” It messes up my artistic aura” She said with a snobbish undertone

Truth be told, ever since the 3 year relationship that left Chloe heartbroken, she vowed to never get seriously involved with another man again. Rather, she would always maintain the upper hand making sure she was the one to call all of the shots. It was her way of protecting her self from being that vulnerable again. Chloe may have had the best of everything except when it came to men!

Investigating Mr. Hensley a little further, via a photographer that was close friends with Jakes family, it was revealed that Jake was one of those guys. He was one of those, “good in business and not so good in relationship” guys.

For 4 years he was working his way up to the top of his class at Harvard, graduating with a 4.0 GPA. He was so involved with his studies, that he never had time to date around, let alone have a full time girlfriend. While outgoing, charming and sharp in the business world, he was introverted when it came to women. So afraid of rejection, that he often didn’t play the field, but sat in the dug out hoping to be chosen for ninth inning, hence no dating experience!

“I just don’t get it. Jake seems to have everything going for him. He’s very successful as the youngest junior exec at his marketing firm, professional, has a future plans to further in his career, he’s very well educated, and worldly” she sighed

“He seemed to be so normal but then I felt him attaching, no, it was more like “clinging” to me.” She said

He began calling relentlessly, always wanting to “spend time” which usually meant being all over her like an un-neutered dog. She even tried to give him a treat for being on good behavior but not even that worked!

Chloe went on “I decided it was time to be blunt. I reasoned with myself that this was the only way he was going to learn. So I sat him down and told him everything he was doing wrong. Well, not wrong per say, but overly doing is more like it. Being to clingy, to mushy, calling 4 times a day, already wanting me to meet his family, always being available to me”

“Ohh no, this is not good.” I said to him while holding his hand trying to prove that I was not a cold hearted bitch, but in fact really did care about him and was trying to help

“The thing is, that these men, including Jake, are so nice that I don’t have the heart to hurt them so usually I try and set them up with other friends of mine, which if I may mention, worked out very well for Cathy and Brent.” Chloe said with a tone of accomplishment and justification!

“What is it about me? I always attract the cling-on’s” as Chloe liked to refer to them. “They seem normal in the beginning and then it’s like they sew themselves to my hip and I cant get rid of them.”

“What’s the look for?” she exclaimed, beginning to see my facial expression.

“You know what the look is for. You always get the guys that other woman would kill to date” He‘s the “hopeless romantic” you hear about, but are never able to find the proof that they really exist” Somehow, you get the proof!!” I say just as my second Blood Mary arrived and not a minute too late!

“I do feel for him, but if he is not going to take my advice, then I can’t see how he is going to find what he is longing for, a stable girlfriend!” Chloe said to me as her face began to have a look of remorse as she was forced to catalog the things she said to him while retelling me her story.

Over the next few days they continued to spend time together going over his insecurities and everything that had been bothering him about his unsuccessful relationship quests.

About a week later, Chloe and I bumped into each other at Bloomingdales. I spotted her in the home department, checking out a set of 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets from the newest Barbara Barry collection.

“Chloe, step away from the sheets. Put them down and your credit card wont get hurt” I teased her
“Hey, what are you doing here?” She laughingly said back

“I always come here every other Sunday for my “I am fabulous” lunch. It’s sort of my bi monthly tradition. The mango chicken salad and the coconut hot tea are also the best excuse to come!!!”

“So how are things going with Jake? Are you still seeing him?”I waited in anticipation for her reply

“Actually, (she paused), yes I am. Thing are going great” she said as a big smile came over her face.

“After many, many, nights of relationship conversation and explanation, I finally uncovered what had happened that made him the static cling he was today.

Being the nice guy he was, he constantly got one of two speeches, “I think you are great, but I am not ready for anything at the moment” speech or he would get the “You are such a nice guy that I would hate to end up hurting you. Why don’t we just be good friends” speech. It was when a woman did take interest in him, that he hung onto her for dear life as if she was his only connection to the outside world!

In the end, I told him to let go of things in the past because these are only going to grip him in the present and possibly prevent him from attaining what he wanted in the future, a long, lasting, meaningful relationship.

He finally started to listen. He lightened up on the phone calls, now down to 2 a day and stopped being so available. I actually had to come after him once, (just once) which was nice for a change!” I know that this is not a forever thing and I told him time and time again, but we are enjoying each other’s company for the time being and that’s good enough for me.”

Update- Chloe ended up hooking Jake up with Natalie. They are very happy =0)

Can you un-cling a static man and set him free from the coupe? No, but at least Chloe was able to set him up with someone she knew would appreciate him for all of the static he had!!

Until next time……

Love Peace and Purity,

xoxo Shayna